“My christmas bonus. I don’t even like pop tarts.”
“I just wanted to open the closet.”
“I broke My grandma’s favorite cutting board with a pizza cutter.”
“Was met with this at the airport this morning after coming home from abroad.”
“How my flatmates left the kitchen for me to find early this morning.”
’’A dog chewed my shoes.’’
’’I wondered why my chips had no flavor. All the seasoning stuck together in the shape of a rock.’’
’’My fork decidedly didn’t want me to eat the pastry.’’
’’So our school lunches got changed this year, and this is what the pizza looks like...’’
’’A girl at school just purposely stepped on my brand new shoes.’’
’’My friend was cooking a frozen pizza.’’
’’My son’s phone fell between the cushions and got caught in the hinges of the bed frame...’’
’’My brain malfunctioned while preparing scrambled eggs.’’
’’My mom accidentally swiped her jumper over my painting while it was still wet.’’
’’The outer glass layer of the oven exploded.’’
“My favorite wedding photo — I got a bubble in my eye while we were leaving.”
“My stress ball burst on me.”
“Had to finish my head and face with the leftover mini razor.”
“Bought a book on Amazon, and this is what I found in my mailbox when I got home.”
“ATM shut down with my card in it.”
“Had to give my daughter a bit of a haircut today.”
“So much for saving time with a round brush today.”
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#5 That stuff is highly flammable, so don't just start lighting your farts with that stuff on you.
Trust me...I know.
So angry! All the name calling amazes me.
True, but dude, calm down...
It'll never happen.
Midge pays a tithe to Hell, and wants to get his money's worth.
#43 Maybe it will improve your vision... seems it wasn't all that great before the wedding.
and it fell over into the street. fortunately no car was hit. Picked it up and screwed it back down.