“Three year old + my wife’s Switch + a glue stick.”
“Can’t even have some ice cream these days”
“Well that’s one way to start the morning. Toaster burnt down.”
“In the emergency room for a kidney stone for the second time in my life. I’m only seventeen.”
“When you’re enjoying a bite to eat and end up frantically googling about cordyceps.”
“I wanted to get the wrinkles out of my jacket, but I left a bar of dark chocolate in the pocket.”
“Do you want to see what God did to me today.”
“Hired a local contractor to fix a leak under my kitchen sink a few years ago. I never inspected his work. Installing a dishwasher today and this is how he repaired it.”
“My birthday gift puzzle is missing 19 pieces out of the box.”
“My wife thinks this coffee is ground properly.”
“My roommate made eggs in all these pans instead of just washing one pan. Someone save me from this nightmare!”
“The narrow drawers in the kitchen at the new apartment ain’t that deep bro.”
“Trying to peel the peanut butter seal”
“I ordered this ’ottoman’ for my wife. Should have double-checked the dimensions.”
“Just got home from the bakery... was so looking forward to this almond and custard cronut.”
“I was awakened to the sound of my yet unsecured basin crashing onto my newly tiled floor.”
“My wedding ring broke apart while I was washing my hands. Tungsten Carbide — to be or not to be.”
“They said it was delivered 2 weeks ago. Couldn’t find it, then the snow finally melted a bit. (1/2 mile away from my home)”
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You could also rub the top rail with hand sanitizer, the alcohol will evaporate pretty quickly but the bitter flavor (that they all have now) will remain. One bite of that and the kid won't chew anything again...
so you poison the kid with ethanol got it. i bet your dad even gave you a beer to deter you as a toddler. but that totally worked...
Actually if you could read (and understand) the alcohol evaporates (that's what it's called when a liquid dissipates into the air) so all that's left is the nontoxic bitterant. But I'm sure you were just allowed to chew on the lead paint covered woodwork...
#36 You've been broke for a very long time it seems.
#37 You ordered from a place that a zero returns policy, you stupid?
Those are woefully out of style. The kid did you a favor.