"The fact that guys still ask for nudes even though the internet has unlimited images demonstrates that they actually do care about the personality associated with the body."
"The weight of a human can vary by a few hundred pounds, yet an airline will charge you extra if your luggage is 5lbs over the limit"
"We tend to obsess on life after death, but hardly ever ponder on life before birth."
"The Founding Fathers had British accents."
"It’s somewhat ironic that Ms. Frizzle used a magic school bus to teach science to children"
"1 is the only number whose value is equal to the number of digits"
"People shat on Luke Skywalker for being a cranky hermit in the newest trilogy, but considering his dad grew up to slaughter a bunch of children he did alright"
"Books and magazines printed before about 2010 may someday be precious because they are known for sure to have been written by humans."
"Living people eat dead mushrooms, while living mushrooms eat dead people."
"Because Deadpool is the only Marvel character that can break the fourth wall and knows our world exists, he is the only one who knows that Stan Lee died"
"Even though snails are very slow, they just always seem to appear out of nowhere"
"Until proven otherwise, every day is your last day alive."
"As stupid as you might think fashion is getting, we still haven’t seen someone with unibrow shave everything but the connecting middle"
"In comic books, people who work hard, use their smarts, and rely on themselves are usually villains, whereas heroes are usually born with their powers and didn’t have to earn anything."
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