“My thermometer has bottomed out. Actual temperature is −44 °C (-47 °F).”
“Neighbor installed heaters under public sidewalk.”
“My girlfriend didn’t clean out the dryer lint trap for 6 months.”
“Dropped my iPhone on a beach and the MagSafe case attracted titanomagnetite from the black sand.”
“Found a pearl in my oyster last night.”
“This fake rat ‘melted’ through the plastic of this drawer.”
“I marked this sticks shadow about every 15mins.”
“This pretty small magnet was shipped with so much styrofoam.”
“Bubbles in my coffee this morning.”
“Found a homeless guy’s stick house in the woods.”
“My bank gave me a roll of brand new pennies from 1964.”
“My grandpa gave me a can of oxygen for Christmas.”
“I boiled down 5 gallons of seawater and this all the salt.”
“I don’t have a seat in front of me on my flight.”
“The fire on my stove turned green.”
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#16 That is why he despises you, my boy.
#17 The doc will send you through it. Soon enough.