"Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike."
"Today, I was sick of listening to the guy in the next room getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to get some food. Then I heard her phone ring through the wall."
"Here are stories of people having some unlucky, sh#tty days."
"Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me “Stop!” The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth."
"Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, “I just dropped the b#tch off, I’ll be there in a few baby, miss you”. I later asked him about it. He said, “Megan, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” My name isn’t Megan. Not even close."
"Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn’t have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, “BE MY BABY’S DADDY!” I couldn’t get out in time."
"Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she’s looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I’m going to medical school."
"Today, I texted my boyfriend, saying, “Hi.” His response was, “I got your best friend pregnant.”"
"Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam."
"Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed “Yes Brittany!” at the top of his lungs. My name’s not Brittany. That’s his sister."
"Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, “Beat ya!” She’s thirteen."
"Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon."
"Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand."
"Today, I bit my boyfriend’s neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth."
"Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the website of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘Virginia’ into Google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy @$$holes’. I have to go on a business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy."
"I asked my friend to take my cat to be put down when I wasn’t home since I couldn’t bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one."
"Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn’t sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes."
"The cure to most of these situations is swearing at the top of your lungs."
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