“How long have you been twins?”
"“What do you do for a living?”
It was at a restaurant. I was their server."
"I was showing a friend a telescope and pointing out all the constellations and planets I knew, and he legitimately asked me “Where’s earth?”"
"Someone asked me to repeat the pronunciation of my last name and followed it up with, “Are you sure?”"
"“Can you turn him so we don’t see the scratch on his cheek?” Asked of me as we were reviewing the portrait photography of her son.
No ma’am, it’s a picture."
"My brother-in-law’s girlfriend was amazed that I had two brothers and no sisters and asked me how that is possible because she thought that humans gave birth in a boy/girl/boy/girl sequence and couldn’t wrap her mind around how someone could give birth to 3 boys and no girls."
"I was selling a party tent 20ft x 20ft.
Some rando on marketplace asked me if it would fit in their backyard.
Lol I don’t know, never been to your backyard."
"I was selling a black dress also on marketplace and some woman asked me if it would meet the dress code for her new waitresses job at chili’s.
How da f@#k I’m supposed to know that, lady??"
“If there’s a deep end and a shallow end, how come the water is flat on top?”
"My mother had dementia, and the Social Worker asked me, “What relation are you to your mother?”"
“How did they train all the dinosaurs in the ‘Jurassic Park’ movies?”
"I worked at Yellowstone National Park in the early 2010s, and one of the tourists, a French lady, came up and asked me when the animals were going to be brought out for people to see."
"“Is that your real skin?
”I think she meant to ask if I’d had cosmetic work done, but I was quite alarmed."
"I used to get stopped in stores pretty frequently with my kids, who were ages 3 and infant, and asked, “Are they twins?”"
"“Why are you spying on me?”
I was working in a call center for Dish Network and a guy called in, very upset.
He wanted to know why Dish Network was spying on him. I tried to let him know that we were not in fact spying on him. Which he countered with, “If you are not spying on me then why is there a camera in the damn box?”
“Sir, a camera? There is no camera in the receiver” I respond.
“Yes there is,” he screams. “I know there is because I can see everything happening in my room on the TV right now.”I sat there and pondered that statement, trying to figure out what was happening.
I asked, “Sir, is your TV off right now?”
In the background I hear the clear sound of a TV being turned on.
I then said, “Sir, that is called a reflection. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
He hung up."
“Where does wood come from?”
"This girl took my skateboard, just stood on it, and asked me, “Why isn’t it going?”"
"I kid you not, someone said, “Is a bird a gas?”"
“There’s an error on the screen that says I need to restart to complete the update, what should I do?”
“Is chicken parmesan vegetarian?”
"“What’s that yellow stuff?”
Fire. It was fire."
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