“Pressing the ‘lock’ button on your car key fob multiple times is the grown-up version of saving your game twice.”
“Death is a paradox. It makes everything meaningless while it also gives meaning to everything.”
“The richest person on Earth is technically also the richest person in the universe, since our definition of rich is owning a lot of Earth money, and there’s no way for extraterrestrial life to obtain it.”
“Most people would find licking the inside of a pipe disgusting but wouldn’t think twice about drinking water coming from that same pipe.”
“Whenever you eat canned pieces of fruit, you are more than likely sharing one whole fruit with someone hundreds of miles away.”
“Headaches make you realize how much you take not having one for granted.”
“Academic grades are strange in that while you’re in school they are the most heavily weighted indicator of your potential, but they are never considered important after your first job post-school.”
“Maybe midlife crises aren’t really crises at all; the person has just reached a point in their life when they can do what they want and don’t care what anyone else thinks. The people who are upset by it are just mad that their opinion doesn’t matter.”
“You probably know more Latin, a dead language, than you do Mandarin, the most common native tongue.”
“You never really know how much fun you’re having until you look back at that same moment years later.”
“A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die.”
“A rating of two stars is worse than a rating of one star because you know whoever rated it actually tried and tested it, and they’re not a troll or blind hater.”
“Your belly button is just your old mouth.”
“The brain not only named itself, but it also recognized that it named itself and was surprised when it realized that.”
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