Met a girl on Halloween and her group of friends, she invited me back, we had like five more drinks and she was too drunk to function. Took her home, took care of her while she puked, and we woke up together and cuddled. She thanked me and invited me to stay the day with her. I did and stayed the night again, and then on November 2nd, I had to walk home as a Ninja Turtle through the financial district of our city.
In college, woke up the next day after a party across campus. Walked back to my house. Voting was a thing that day, lots of students out encouraging to vote. I walked into a campus building, interacted with lots of people, voted and left. Got home to realize a big dick drawn in sharpie on my forehead. Was wondering why people were looking at me funny
Today, I walked through my college campus wearing nothing but overalls cut off mid shin and a Mario hat in the rain. I went out to a Halloween party as Mario, ended up at a friends house throwing up in his sink. Woke up with no idea where the rest of my clothes went but knew I had to get to my dorm, a mile away, to get dressed for class. Unfortunately, I made this walk in between classes so plenty of students saw a defeated Mario
This happened pre-walk of shame. So one time my friend John and I drove a couple hours to Boston for an old friends birthday party that we hadn’t seen in awhile. It starts as a house party and after that sort of dies down we decided to go hit some bars. I hit it off with a girl, so we broke off from the group and stayed the night at her place. Next morning I wake up, get dressed, and head out into the kitchen. I almost shit a fuckin brick because who is sitting at the table? Fuckin John. We, completely unknown to each other, went home with girls who happened to be roommates.
College. Typical (not frat) house party, gym bros and yoga hoes theme. My friends ripped my shirt off mid-party because of testosterone and alcohol. Wearing nothing but gym shorts and joggers running shoes, somehow managed to still get laid. Wake up next morning and frantically look for clothing, didn’t find my shirt. This is when I remembered some cartoon I saw a while back of a woman getting locked out of her house in underwear. Her friend is jogging by and convinces her to jog alongside to avoid embarrassment. I decide that that is a perfect solution and begin jogging back to my apartment on the other side of campus, pretending to be out for my normal morning routine. its maybe -1c out, nipples able to cut diamond, jog past someone in long spandex, sweater, gloves, and ear muffs. Totally worth it
After a night of drinking at the bar, one of my friends decided that she was gonna make everyone perogies. I was upstairs and had no idea she was cooking until I heard a scream. I ran downstairs and there she was, with a wok on the stove and flames rising from it steadily, licking the ceiling. I yelled for another buddy to open the Juliette balcony we had next to the kitchen. I grabbed the flaming oily mess by the panhandle, trying not to spill the flaming oils as I carried it to the balcony and tossed that fucker right out onto the paved alleyway below. I burnt my hand doing so. A few burn marks were formed around our kitchen. Our house had come very close to being a fire scene because of drunken perogies. Anyway the next morning she went out and collected this misshapen, now-destroyed wok from the alleyway. I always refer to this as her wok of shame.
During the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was sleeping with a guy for a couple of weeks, let’s call him Matt. We weren’t dating, just hooking up, but both realized that we weren’t really compatible outside of the bed, so we moved on. During finals week in the second semester, I hooked up with a great guy and was massively hungover, doing the walk of shame across the quad back to my room. It was a sunny, clear May morning. I had cigarettes, and was patting down my pockets looking for a lighter, when I stumbled across Matt, also doing the walk of shame and massively hungover, having a nic fit because he lost his cigarettes the night before when he hooked up with some girl at a party. He had a lighter, I had cigarettes, we sat down and had a smoke, then completed the walk of shame back to our dorm, telling each other to have a good summer when he got off the elevator on his floor. What a carefree time of life my first year of college was.
Well, there was that one time I dressed as Catwoman for Halloween, which was a Friday, slept at a friend’s, then had to walk of shame back to my dorm on a football Saturday. I went to a Big 10 school, so there were a LOT of people out and about.
In middle school, I had khaki pants on. Thought I had to fart, but it was actually the beginnings of liquid diarrhea and it happened while walking between classes. I went to the bathroom and tried to clean up in the stall, but it was already too late – the shit had seeped through my undies and all on the back of my khakis. Walked straight out of the bathroom (mid-period, so no one saw), out the door and walked home without telling a soul. I lived about 3/4 of a mile away from school and had to walk the main street to get home. Most shameful walk of my life. Can only imagine how many people drove by and saw me walking with my shit-stained pants along the main street.
A couple Halloweens ago, I went out with a lovely lady to a party. I went as Agent Venom from Spider-Man. We hooked up and she let me crash at her place, which actually was not supposed to happen, so morning rolls around and I realize that I have no change of clothes. Fuck. So, I basically say “screw it” put my costume back on (sans the mask) and walk to my car. On the way to my car, I see a dude around my age in a Spider-Man outfit walking towards me. He starts to say something and I just say “can it, Parker! I’m busy!” and we laughed, but I kept walking to my car. Got in, and drove home. The end.
Met a guy on tinder who insisted he picked me up instead of me driving my car there. We proceeded to his house where we got very, very drunk and had lots of sex. At one point he went to get us tacos while I was sleeping on the couch. I woke up an hour later, he wasn’t back. It was weird because Taco Bell was just down the street. I went back to sleep. Woke up another 2 hours later, he still was not there and it was now dark outside. I texted him and he said, “oh yeah, I went to my parent’s house.” He had left me in his apartment by myself with no way to get home. I had even forgotten my wallet so I couldn’t get a cab. Had to call my roommate to buy me an uber from where she was. Also, I got my period that morning on his couch. Fuck that guy.
Made great friends with a dude at this party the night before, we both separately take home girls on opposite sides of our college campus. The morning after I’m walking home about 8am and cross paths with my new best bud so I ask “walk of shame?” To which he responds: “it’s not a walk of shame if they were a 10/10, it’s a walk of glory”. Been using that term since.
Was at an animal-themed mixer one Thursday night, with a test the next morning so I was mostly just hanging out talking. One thing leads to another and I end up going home with this girl, waking up ten minutes before my 9am test and walking across campus reeking of sex in a moose costume to take it.
While I was checking out UCSB with my parents, we were driving through Isla Vista and saw this girl walk of shaming home, the only thing was she was on her skateboard and wearing this whole going out outfit and basically as were passing her her long skirt got caught on the skateboard wheels and she totally ate shit in front of my family.
I drive a bus in a college town, something like 90% of riders are students. I work Saturday mornings so I see a decent number of walk of shamers. I’ll always remember one girl who (seemingly) had no clothes other than a jacket several sizes too large for her and a purse with high heels in it. My favorite thing to do to hungover walkers is to be super chipper and loud/polite. Brings me joy.
I had a bit of a stalker in college. We hooked up one Halloween & after that any time I was speaking to another girl she’d try to interject & shove her tongue down my throat. My roommates made a bet with me that I’d sleep with her again before the semester was up. Second weekend back at school I get completely shitfaced, blackout drunk. I woke up & didn’t recognize the room I was in as my apartment. When I tried to sit up, my arm was stuck under stalker girl. I got out unscathed & she didn’t even wake up. I walked up to the back of my apartment & my roommates are all out on the deck having a smoke. When I turned the corner, they all started applauding. I lit up a smoke of my own & asked if they wanted cash or a check. They settled on a bag of weed, case of beer, & making fun of me for the rest of the semester.
So I was super pumped to go to college, like 10/10. I was an alcoholic who loved to have a good time with no limits, and this experience was going to be the same as all the movies made it out to be. So I move in, get my room all set up with my clothes and things and set out to get absolutely black out drunk. I wake up in the morning to giggles…girl giggles
My back hurts and I am cold
I peer up to see a small Asian girl and her friend covering their mouths giggling and pointing at me
Between them is my penis, a fully naked body, and apparently, I had been sleeping on their kitchen table.
I nervously and quickly grab a disk cloth off their stove handle to use as a makeshift loincloth and bomb out the door. Immediately I am struck with fear as 1: I don’t know what building I am in, and there are 6 all identical. 2: I don’t have my keys 3: I don’t know where my clothes are
So I make my way all the way down to the ground floor to go outside (the door locking automatically behind me) and realize that in fact I HAD been in my own building but only on the floor above.
I had to go in my little towel to the residence registers office and get new keys, while some more of the freshmen’s parents moved them in a day later… The stares haunt my dreams.