People at Goldman Sachs, one of the largest (and oldest) investment banks on the globe, have made a set of rules you might want to follow to be a Man amongst men.
It’s worth noting that this is written by fellas who probably sip champagne for breakfast and sleep on beds made of money, so, take it with a grain of salt.
The Unofficial Goldman Sachs guide to being a man:
-Stop talking about where you went to college.
-Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
-Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
-It’s ok to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
-Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.
-You will regret your tattoos.
-Never date an ex of your friend.
-Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
-If riding the bus doesn’t incentivise you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
-Time is too short to do your own laundry.
-When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
-If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
-Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
-When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
-People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
-When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
-Tip more than you should.
-You probably use your mobile phone too often and at the wrong moments.
-Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
-Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
-Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend.
-Leave Rusty and Junior at home.
-Be a regular at more than one bar.
-Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
-A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
-Learn how to fly-fish.
-No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
-Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing.
-There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
-You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.
-Ask for a salad instead of fries.
-Don’t split a check.
-Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
-When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
-Be spontaneous.
-Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
-Piercings are liabilities in fights.
-Do not use an electric razor.
-Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
-Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.
-One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
-#StopItWithTheHastags
-Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.
-Measure yourself only against your previous self.
-Take more pictures. With a camera.
-Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
-Your clothes do not match. They go together.
-Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
-Staying angry is a waste of energy.
-If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn’t want you.
-Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
-Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life.
-If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.
-Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
-If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
-You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.
-If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
-No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
-Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
-Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
-Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party — provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading…”
-Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
-Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
-Don’t gamble if losing $US100 is going to piss you off.
-Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”
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