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Historical Figures’ Cleverest Verbal Retorts (32 pics)

Posted in Funny » Humor   14 Oct 2011   / 18191 views

Some of history’s most well known figures also had a knack for clever and witty comeback lines. See which people had a sharp tongue that tended to cut any person willing to verbally challenge them.


Calvin Coolidge Vs. Some Random Lady At A White House Dinner

Oscar Wilde Vs. Lewis Morris

Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship.

Winston Churchill Vs. George Bernard Shaw

Winston Churchill Vs. Lady Astor

Calvin Coolidge Vs. An Opera Singer

Muhammad Ali Vs. Joe Frazier

Winston Churchill Vs. A Member Of Parliament

Winston Churchill Vs. Bessie Braddock

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Vs. An Admirer

Miriam Hopkins Vs. An Anonymous Singer

Ilka Chase Vs. An Anonymous Actress

John Wilkes Vs. John Montagu

Mohandas Gandhi Vs. Western Civilization

Edna Ferber Vs. Noel Coward

Coward was remarking upon the fact that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit.

James McNeill Whistler Vs. Oscar Wilde

After Whistler had made a particularly witty observation.

Pierre Trudeau Vs. Richard Nixon

Upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole.

Thomas Reed Vs. Henry Clay

Earnest Hemingway Vs. William Faulkner

John Barrymore Vs. A Woman In The Lady's Room

Barrymore was drunkenly urinating in the wrong bathroom, and turned to face his accuser, penis in hand.

Robert Benchley Vs. A Man In Uniform

Niels Bohr Vs. A Reporter

Groucho Marx Vs. A Contestant on "You Bet Your Life"

After the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10.

Henry Clay Vs. Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster

After seeing a pack of mules walk by.

Alcibiades Vs. Pericles

Abraham Lincoln Vs. Stephen Douglas

After Douglas called him "two-faced" during a debate:

Bill Clinton Vs. Dan Quayle

After Quayle revealed that he planned to be "a pit bull" in the 1992 campaign against Clinton and Gore.

Reverend Edward Everett Hale Vs. The U.S. Senate

When asked if he prayed for the Senators.

Senator Fritz Hollings Vs. Henry McMastor

When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.

NY Mayor Ed Koch Vs. Andrew Kirtzman

After the reporter insisted on pressing a point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made.

Abraham Lincoln Vs. A Foreign Diplomat

After the diplomat found Lincoln polishing his boots in his office.

Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller Vs. An Attendee At A Church Conference

After the man ranted against university education and thanked God that he had never been corrupted by going to college.

Dorothy Parker Vs. New Yorker Editor Harold Ross

Parker had been on her honeymoon, when Harold Ross interrupted her to ask why she was late with a book review.

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Comments (9):

tektog33k 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
awesome post! i laughed so hard to churchill's quotes :D
Tarzan 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
#32 this made me LOL!!
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich :)
That last one was amazing.
jubyp0b 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Good 'uns.
juampi_v 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
vice versa!!
great post
Enter your name 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Calvin Coolidge and his wife toured a poultry farm. When Mrs. Coolidge saw that there was only one rooster, she asked how many times he performed each day. "Dozens," the guide replied.

"Tell that to Mr. Coolidge," she said.

When the guide told Coolidge, he asked "The same hen, or a different one each time?" "Always a different one," the guide told him.

Whereupon the President replied...

"Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

Dorothy Parker's great rival was Claire Booth Luce.

At one point they, with their escorts, reputedly arrived simultaneously at a New York night spot. Miss Luce, with a poisonous smile, offered Miss Parker the opportunity to go first, saying

"Age before beauty."

Whereupon Parker replied

"Pearls before swine," and sailed through the door.
K 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Awesome post. Churchill is the man.
Peanut 3 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Awesome post, indeed! Loved it. By the way, Nixon was right. Trudeau was an asshole.