“Hey, there’s room in my tent if you want to join me”
“Thanks, but I brought my own tent!”
"A girl literally confessed her feelings directly to me and I didn’t hear it cause I zoned out looking at a squirrel"
"A girl once burned me a mix CD of almost nothing but love songs. My guy friends and I held a small conference where we listened to the CD in full and tried to see if there was some hidden message there.
We came up with a solid maybe. There were 6 of us debating this."
"Me posting on Facebook: “anyone wanna go hiking this weekend?”
Cute girl: “I’ll go.”
After a long hike and dinner, I still didn’t know I was on a date until I was dropping her off. Seriously thought we were just hiking. We’re married now."
"Picture this: teenage me in bed with my girlfriend, sans clothes and doing some heavy petting. I had a condom in my wallet, like a sauve motherf@#ker. She asked to see it. I told her “I only want to take it out of the package if I’m going to use it.”
She replied “Okay, take it out.” Me: “Nah, I only want to take it out if I’m going to use it.” Her: “Let’s take it out.” Me: “No, don’t want to waste it.” Her: “…”"
"Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No…no one would date me anyway.
Her: I’d date you.
Me: Thanks, but you don’t need to pity me.
Her: I would date you
Me: Thanks but…
Her: Are you free on Saturday?
Me: Surprised Pikachu face
And we’re going on two years in October"
"Watching TV in my living room at roughly 2am, in the dark
Her: applying strawberry lip gloss.
Me: why are you putting on lip gloss?
Her: strawberry lip gloss tastes so nice.
Me: haha youre weird
Her: want to taste?
Me: nah I already know what it tastes like"
"Early interaction with my boyfriend-
Me: “That suit looks great on you. It would look better on the floor.”
Him: “That would wrinkle the suit.”"
"I was living with my then-boyfriend a few years ago. Feeling a little flirtatious, I suggested we could take a shower together, you know, to save water, wink wink.
His response? “Why? We don’t pay for water.” Shut. Down."
"I was out of town, chatting to a girl at a bar. We figured out I was 13 inches taller than her. She said, “That’s funny, I’m going on a date with a guy who is 13 inches taller than me tomorrow. And I’ll probably f@#k him after.”
My response? “Well, that’s a weird coincidence!”
I didn’t figure it out until I was on a plane home."
"She learned to say I love you in my parents native language. And I still missed the hint."
"When I was drunkenly flirting with a girl (I never flirt and I’m horrible with girls in general so didn’t think I was getting anywhere) and asked her where the bathroom was. She said ‘I’ll show you’ then came in with me and asked what I wanted to do.
Awfully confused I says ‘well I want to have a piss, you’ll have to leave’.
She said ‘oh’ and left"
"I was living overseas in a place where it was difficult to find CDs (this was pre-streaming). A girl I knew had started chatted to me on Facebook.
I thought nothing much of it, figured she was out of my league, it was nice to chat. But, you know, I chatted to lots of people.
A few weeks into this chatting, I get a package in the mail. In it is Radiohead’s “In Rainbows”, with a note that says, “Hope you enjoy. My favorite track is 8. x”
I message her, I say thanks and that I really dug track 5.
“What about track 8?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s okay.”
“I really think you should listen to track 8 again.”
Track 8 was “House of Cards”, which opens: “I don’t want to be your friend / I just want to be your lover / No matter how it ends / No matter how it starts”"
"A girl literally asked me to help her change. We were alone in her house. I respectfully declined for her privacy."
"She asked if I was interested in dating. Thought she meant in general and said no because I didn’t really have an interest in dating anyone but her.
She got pretty distant after that. Didn’t realize she was talking about the two of us dating until later."
"She invited me in “for coffee” after a date. I don’t drink coffee, and it was 11pm. I politely declined and went home. Had no clue coffee meant sex."
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I still think I was a dumb@$$...