"I used to go to Subway knowing my bank account had like 45 cents in there. I’d customize my sandwich and when it was time to pay, I’d be like “ugh what is wrong with my card? I have money in there!”. Since my sandwich was customized to me, they would just give it to me. I was a cr#ppy teenager."
"I use my ex’s and bosses phone numbers at Kroger’s fuel pumps to steal their discounts."
"I was in a three-person team in Home Ec in high school. I always volunteered to do the dishes. Then when it was something gross like a really greasy pot or pan, I said to the other two that I do the dishes all the time and that they could do it for once."
"Tell the truth 99% of the time. Then when you have that credibility, you can lie and people will believe you."
"There was a guy who was a wood worker my dad knew. Horrible accident at work, lost a bunch of fingers. Big settlement and too disabled to work…
One day he’s at our house, and he’s drunk. And he f@#king tells us all he did it on purpose.
My dad just told him to leave."
"The cops in our town like to hide at the back end of the neighborhood park to catch people who let their dogs run off leash. They could park in the front lot and let people know they’re there to deter off-leashers, but they prefer to sit where they can catch you in the act. To me this says they care more about writing tickets than they care about actually enforcing the leash law.
In order to get to the far end of the park the cops have to drive through a gate that is always left open, with the padlock just hanging there, unlocked.
When I know the cops are hiding at the far end of the park I close and lock the gate on them."
"Walk into a Chipotle, Panera, or any restaurant that puts online orders on a shelf. Walk up to the shelf with confidence and tfake one of the bags and walk out. Free meal."
"I have 5 different 1 L water bottles, one for each day of the week. I fill them up before I leave work from the filtered water coolers and then put them in the fridge when I get home. Living alone, I haven’t had to buy bottled water or a water filter in 11 years."
"Behave like an idiot. People will trust you more and let their guards down. It makes it much easier to f@#k them over as they will never think that it was you. Also no one will expect anything from you so you will get cut a lot of slack."
"Go to Walgreens or somewhere that sells Costco or Sam’s gift cards. Buy one for any amount and then go shop without being a member. Because you have the gift card they can’t make you buy a membership and will let you use it."
"Walmart has a 90 day return policy for pretty much everything they sell. AC broken/heat wave? Rent a couple window units from Walmart. Want a 72″ LED tv for a Super Bowl party? Rent it from Walmart.."
"Create multiple email addresses to continuously take advantage of free trial periods for subscription services, effectively getting them for free indefinitely."
"When you enter a raffle drawing, fold or crinkle your ticket/slip of paper a little bit. It makes it slightly more likely to be drawn. It’s worked for me a few times and I feel a little guilty every time."
"In many elevators you can hold down the ‘close door’ button while choosing floor to get a non-stop ride. Meant to be used by rescue service/firemen."
"Microsoft Paint can be used to delete and replace text on any scanned document, the eyedropper tool can match the font color and even the paper background color to make the change look seamless."
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#19 Hahaha. It takes a LOT of time to make it look "seemless" because of intrinsic color bleed.