"I didn’t know pirates were real until I was like 27. Fully thought they were made up characters like leprechauns."
"I wasn't eating "a sparagus", I was eating "asparagus"."
"A pony is not a baby horse. Also, a reindeer is a real animal."
"I didn't know the exhaust fan in the bathroom was there to get rid of the humidity in the room to prevent mold. I thought it was there to get rid of the smell. I was 68."
"I thought baby carrots taste different than big carrot cause the baby ones always seem more wet and I don’t like that….so figured they were also grown differently like maybe they were a different species of carrot -turns out they are just big carrots cut up and shaped. I like big carrots."
"Those roadside memorials are not actually where they buried the person. I always thought that was so disrespectful to just leave people in the ditch where they died."
"Pufferfish fill with water, not air."
"I was an adult when I found out that Alaska is not an island and, in fact, is attached to Canada. All the maps as kids showed Alaska like an island next to Hawaii. I swear, I’m a well educated person."
"I just realized the other day that to “make ends meet” had nothing to do with meat. Like I got what it meant from context but I thought it was like I’m so poor I can’t make ends meat like it was some kind of dish."
"That the wax in candles are actually the fuel for the flame. I thought that the wick was soaked in fuel and the wax just melted away to reveal it. I was well into adulthood when I learned this."
"Narwhals are real. Age 28."
"Bandicoots are real animals and not just the Crash Team Racing character. I was about 27."
"You can just twist the deodorant to remove the protective cap instead of wrangling it out with your teeth."
"I was 25 when I discovered that Sherlock Holmes was not a real person. I was so disappointed and betrayed."
"Dinosaur bones in museums aren't real bones only a cast (sometimes smaller displays will be real but they will state so)."
"I know absolutely nothing about fashion and my wife watches a show called “Say yes to the dress” about picking wedding dresses. They kept using a term to describe sleeves and after hearing it a dozen times I paused the show and said “JFC! What the hell are CAT-sleeves? Nothing about em looks like a d**n cat”She informed me the term is “Cap-sleeves” and now if she seees that sort of sleeves on someone she turns to me and meows."
"My shoe size lol I though shoes were supposed to fit snug to the foot, turns out I was wearing a half size to a whole size down lol."
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"Think how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them...are stupider than that."
---------George Carlin.
Make this into a bumper sticker: “George Carlin. Now…More Than Ever.”