"Stuck at a stupid uni winter school thing in the middle of nowhere in Tasmania, Aus. Everyone is dealing with cabin fever by being as wasted as they can be. Wombat comes barging in and tries to get at the beer bottles in the bin. I, having grown up in the bush, and also being wasted, cry “hold my beer, I’ll fix this!”, pass off my beer, pick up the wombat, tuck it under one arm, and escort it outside. In hindsight, I’m lucky it didn’t bite my fingers off."
"Was at a team building – axe throwing thing. The “manager expert” demonstrated sticking an axe with each hand throwing at the same time. Then explained how difficult and how many months we would need to be able to do it. Looked at my coworker… Hold my beer. 5 mins later. Ta da!"
"I was playing pool in Norfolk VA, happened to notice a backhoe sitting across the street at a construction site. Told my friends that I was gonna take it. Of course, there is no way the keys were in it…they were. I hauled @$$ at like 1am in a stolen backhoe around a city. I returned it. What was 20-year-old me thinking?"
"In high school and college, I played sports and worked out a lot (Softball, volleyball, shotput, discus, basketball.) I continued playing softball and volleyball in some community leagues. My older sister asked me to play in softball game against some obnoxious “weekend warriors” that talked sh#t about everyone.
So, as we are playing, they rag and get nasty every time a woman is up to bat. They yell, “Move up! It’s a no hitter.” Some of the women got on base, some didn’t. I told my sister, “watch this” (Hold my beer.) I let them yell, etc. I acted like I couldn’t swing. I held the bat wrong and let my sister fix it for me. Then I hit it over all their heads and had a 3 run homer."
"Oh man, I learned how to juggle a few years ago, started with balls, moved up to clubs, and then someone was juggling fire clubs, and I was like, oh, if I can juggle clubs, of course I can juggle fire clubs!!
Nope."
"As I’m typing this I have a broken back. To keep things simple, I was outside working out with my little brother. Somehow we got distracted and started doing cartwheels. After my little brother did one; I decided to try and show him up. I looked at him dead in the eyes and said, “Oh yeah? Watch this!” And proceeded to take off and attempt a front flip. I could not do a front flip. Anyway I broke my T12, not fun I wouldn’t recommend."
"Was at a party in high school. Someone found a whip and people were trying to hit a beer can off a fence post. Told my friend to hold my beer and I grabbed the whip and did a friggin Indiana Jones making the can go flying in the air with that whip sound on the first shot."
"Not long ago I was at an arcade where I witnessed a fully grown man stomping some kids on a car racing game and he was being very obnoxious about it. By this point it had been 7 years since I had even been to an arcade (I played tournaments for this particular game).
A sense of justice had risen in me so I turned to my nephew, told him to hold my coke, borrowed his bana-passport and wiped the floor with this dude until he left. The kids who were getting stomped stuck around to watch as I pwned the guy multiple times. Feels good man."
"We had a 5 foot goanna take over the pool area at a work function. I had just arrived and was still fully dressed, so I was designated Chief Animal Controller to clear it out. I had had just about enough of that day, so I simply walked over close to it, and yelled “F@#k off!”, and took a swig of my drink. It decided there were too many humans and legged it back into the bush, and I sauntered back to the table and into legend. lol."
"One time at a friend’s bonfire, someone bet me I couldn’t jump over the fire pit. I was like, “hold my beer” and went for it. Ended up tripping and landing right in the ashes, got a burned shoe and a bruised ego, definitely not my smartest move."
"Oh, definitely the time I thought I could teach myself how to skateboard in one afternoon. Spoiler: gravity taught me a lot quicker than I expected."
"Back in college, had a buddy with a non-operable Harley that he needed to get into the back of his pickup so that he could take it back home to his parents place and work on it. We tried a variety of rigged ramps and pulleys but nothing was working.
My teammate Nick was hammered, sitting on a lawn chair and yelled “we have three offensive linemen here, how heavy can it be?” We picked it up and put it in the back of the truck."
"This one is a little different. I was at a party a couple of years ago in South Mississippi. We were outside of some guys house at a bonfire & I really had to take a piss. I see an old barn & decide that seems like a great place to piss. I get to the barn & some big redneck guy is beside the barn, he seems to be having trouble getting his pants undone.
He turns to me and says, “Hey buddy! Can you hold my beer so I can take a piss?” So I hold his beer. He’s starts to wobble, he suddenly falls to the ground and proceeds to piss all over himself. I then say, “You okay? Have a little too much to drink?” The redneck gets up, looks me dead in the eyes & says, “Nah, I’m sober buddy, my dick just threw me off balance.”"
"Before I knew that claw machines were rigged, my partner at the time complained that the claw machine was impossible, I handed her my soda, put in our last 2 quarters and with a sense of confidence I’ve never had before or since, I positioned the claw in 2 quick movements and pressed the button.
Turned around and grabbed my drink as the toy was picked up and then dropped in the bin. She was so happy and thankful, and it got me my first time as well lol. Thank you random Llama plushie and claw machine gods."
"In the early 2000s I was out in the woods with a buddy, Geocaching. We had to cross a small stream. He found a convoluted path across it, involving a janky log, and some creative stepping. I walked up to the edge of a berm overhanging the stream and said, “Watch this, this is how it’s done.” and I jumped. I planted my feet on the opposite side of the stream, but JUST on the opposite side. And then I lost my balance and fell @$$-first into the stream."
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