“Backstory: I met this girl on tinder and she in her profile he said “Dead a##looking for dude friends. Nothing romantic.” I took this quite literal and we became friends.
About two weeks after meeting her, she called in a panic and asked me to come over and check her attic because she was hearing noises from up there. Being the only guy that she was friends with in the area (new grad student), I came over. Naturally, those spooky ghosts left ectoplasm everywhere. I told her that for future reference if she wanted to f@#k, she could just ask.”
“In college I lived with two other guys in one apt and my dog and the apartment below us were three girls. I talked to one of the girls since we had a class together. One fall break I stayed in town to work as I didn’t have a job back home. So did this girl. Well, one day I’m at work and had to stay late but also had to let my dog out. So I texted my neighbor if she was available if she could get my hide a key and let my dog out. She asked what she’d get in return (jokingly as she loved my dog) I forgot what exactly I said but I was somewhere along “sexual favors?”. To which she replied ok. And for the remainder of the year, we would just text each other to come upstairs or downstairs to hook up. Don’t think that’ll ever happen again.”
“I was on a school trip to NYC and we were in a very crowded elevator consisting of people from my class and people from a class coming from another school. As we were going to my destination, the girl in front of me starting backing up into my junk while she was speaking to her friends. I thought that maybe it was unintentional since the elevator was so packed so I tried my best to shift my legs so she wasn’t straight up crushing my d@#k with her a$$.
As I started to move around she would move around with me and 8th grade me was having trouble keeping his hormones in check. Eventually, the elevator door opened and it let us all off. As we were getting off, I saw her walking with her friends. She turned around, smiled and winked at me then proceeded to walk away with her friends. This all happened at the Holocaust Museum.”
“I used to work in I.T., and an office manager asked me to stop by his house to look at his home computer. I knew from several people in the office that his wife did amateur porn. She answered the door in a bathrobe and I said, “I’m here to fix your computer”, and she replied, “I’ve been expecting you, come on in.” Turned out to be a DNS issue, so I just set it to 8. 8.8.8 and that resolved the issue.”
“Played monopoly with my girlfriend at the time and she was losing really bad so she tried to seduce me into giving her better trade deals. I obviously denied and continued to dominate her in monopoly until she just flipped the board, and then we f@#ked anyways. Win-win for me.”
“Complemented a girl on how amazing her boobs are while in the restroom. She proceeded to show me and let me touch them. It was an interesting experience. She has the most beautiful aqua eyes.”
“Best friend got married just after college. I got paired with someone in the wedding party I had never met. While driving this older Jewish grad student to the bride’s parents place to the after-party she remarks, “I’m glad you know how to drive a stick because this is the only stick I can drive…” and reaches over and grabs my junk for the rest of the ride. We banged all over two different rooms and a living room sectional that night while everyone was passed out all over the house. I got laid before the groom did that night…”
“My neighbor locked herself out of her Townhouse dorm over Winter Break. I was the only other resident living in the complex at the time. Offered Lydia (the neighbor) the option of hanging out since it was a Townhouse and there was room. She said she would hang out until she could find somewhere else to go and made a few phone calls that went unanswered.
Ordered pizza and watched a movie that evening until she fell asleep on the couch. I put a pillow under her head and a blanket over her and went to bed. Woke up with her next to me in the morning. Spent the next two days intermittently having sex, watching movies and making meals.”
“Burning man, entered a tiny tiny geodesic done with a girl. Two girls in bikinis followed us in and literally sat down and spread her legs wide open at me, grinning. I probably would have done the thing but the girl I was with was not into it.”
“I was on a date last week with a very attractive girl. Great body, gorgeous face, very hot. We’re nearing the end of dinner and we start talking about sex and other atypical first date dinner conversation stuff. I don’t know what I said but she kind of just paused for a second, looked at me seductively, and said: “Would you like to go back to my place and eat my pussy?” My jaw dropped. Never had that one happen before and probably never will again.”
“The carpenter renovating my room thought I was gay – I’m a straight guy. We were alone in the house. I finished taking a shower and was only in my towel, and I innocuously analyzed his shirtless torso in all its glory wondering what routine is he doing in the gym. Maybe I was staring too hard.
He then approached me and tried to make out with me. I pushed him and laughed and said No. He said he thought I wanted to have sex with him with all the stares I was giving him.”
“Delivered pizza to a hotel where a drunken orgy was going on. Customer gestured to me (19-year-old nerd girl, mousy and unattractive), then to the scene (which included a guy snorting coke off a stripper’s back) and asked, “Wanna play?” I turned him down because I was more concerned about paying rent. He also turned down his tip offer of a baggie of cocaine. He tipped me $50, though, so that was cool.”
“Pub, married couple sit down and start talking about a threesome with me how they have done it before. I was young and dumb and got weirded out and left. she was hot too.”
“My friend called me to ask if I could help her change the showerhead. Sure, no biggie. Then after I do it she asks if I want a massage. I’m laying on my stomach and next thing I know she’s topless giving me a massage and things went from there.”
“I was watching porn in the living room when my stepmom walked in. It was nothing like the simulations.”
“I was a cable guy. I did an install at an apartment that turned out to be a porn studio. They were interviewing a girl for a potential job, asking what sort of scenes she’d be open to doing. As I recall, she was into lesbian stuff and interracial, but not anal.”
“Met a girl through a friend in college. She had a lot of issues with her laptop so I came over one day and fixed it up for her. She paid me with a blowjob and finished me off on her face. She took a selfie with my phone and I haven’t seen or spoken with her much since.”
“I had a pest control guy come into my condo without really knocking when I was about 20 years old. I had just gotten out of the shower so I was in only a bathrobe. I also had just done laundry, so all my delicates like bras, panties and lacy lingerie were hanging around to dry. I have no idea what that poor guy was thinking I was trying to do, but I swear I just didn’t realize he was coming.”
“My mom hired a guy to build us a deck and I saw him looking at me through my upstairs window on the first day. He was super hot and Russian and the idea of us being alone and him working while I brought him drinks and snacks was so exciting. Me being an 18-year-old, was already sold into the idea of screwing this contractor. We f@#ked on the last day of installation. He was a good lay but the deck turned out like s@#t.”
“My freshman year of college a girl was going door to door in the dorms offering to give head for someone to do her chemistry homework. Never been so upset I didn’t pay attention in high school chem.”
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