I work graveyard shift and I had to explain to a coworker that at midnight, 12:00 am/0000 hours, it is the start of a new day. She then had an anxiety attack because I was telling her that “today is not Monday anymore, today is Tuesday now”
I had a relative try to put her son on the school bus his first day if kindergarten and got upset when the driver refused to let him on because he wasn’t on the list.
She never registered him for school and just thought she could put him on the bus and send him.
Had to ask my roommate to please wash his hands after touching raw chicken. He was cool to just…go about his day before I asked. He thought I was being a wacko neat freak.
When my friend bought a house a month into homeownership she asked me, very pissed off, when the city was coming to cut her lawn because it’s starting to look like weeds.
It was awkward when I had to explain that she needs to cut her own lawn or hire someone.
One of roommates in college would go through plastic spatulas like crazy. She’d melt them and wouldn’t say anything about it. She’d only tell me when I’d go to use it and wonder why it was messed up. She’d always say it was due to the spatula being made of cheap plastic.
No. I finally caught her one day. She’d be cooking something and would walk away LEAVING THE PLASTIC SPATULA IN THE PAN WHILE IT WAS STILL ON!
My ex-best friend had told me that she had needed to buy another new vacuum cleaner, the 3rd that month. I asked her what was wrong with it and she said “It’s not picking things up anymore!” So I asked if she had dumped out the container… she didn’t know that was a thing.
For as long as I can remember, my father had red eyes after showering. I didn’t even think about it. One day as a teenager a friend slept over and in the morning she saw my dad dressed and ready for work, freshly showered, red-eyed. She asked him why his eyes were red and he simply said “shampoo.” She then very carefully and as respectfully as she could muster asked him why he didn’t close his eyes, and he laughed and said “what do you think, I’m an idiot? Closing my eyes in the shower! Sheesh!”
My dad did a lot of things that embarrassed me… But that one was prettttty high up there.
Edit: to everyone saying he was getting high, you have no idea how badly I wish that was the case.
My wonderful, selfless, beautiful younger brother asked me how to make ice last year. He’s 24.
19yo dude: “How do you cook a fried egg?”
Gave him instructions and left him to it. Came back a while later to ask how it went.
“Fine in the end but it took a few attempts because the yolk kept breaking.” “What do you mean kept breaking?” “Well, I kept throwing them away because I thought breaking the yolk made it poisonous.”
A girl I knew in college. Her dad called once to remind her that every so often she needed to put oil in her truck. She did. Then her truck started smelling like french fries and then died. Even after trying to explain it, she couldn’t understand that this was directly related to the quart of vegetable oil she put in the motor.
I had to teach my friend how to tie his shoes, he either wore velcro or tucked the laces into the shoe up until that point.
Had a friend complain the movie they were watching didn’t tell you who won the war. it was a WWI movie…
Editor’s note: I am aware this GIF is from a WWII movie, but otherwise I thought it made perfect sense here.
I had to jump a friend’s car that wouldn’t start. It had a hard time but I finally got it running. She immediately turns off the car and says, “thanks so much I’ll call you later!”
This is like 10 years ago. I was dating a 32-year-old and he asked me if I wanted to get together to watch a TV show. I said sure, what time is it on. He looks it up and says to me “8 Pacific 9 Central…?”
I asked what was confusing him and he told me he wasn’t sure if the show was on at 8 or 9. My man did not know what timezone we lived in.
So I was like “Ok, well you know what ocean we’re near, right?” cuz I was trying to get him to think about the Pacific timezone in terms of the giant body of water for which it was named and he immediately got defensive and for real said “Why would I know that? I’m from Texas.”
He’d been living in San Francisco for 5 years and could see the Pacific Ocean out his window.
Not sure if this counts but when I took a food-safe course someone asked if they could wash a turkey with dish soap.
He failed the course.
Girl I went to HS with: “why do people say a quarter of an hour? Like what does that even mean?”
Me: “it’s 15 minutes. Because 15 is a fourth of 60, so that’s a quarter of an hour”
Her: looking at me like I’m a [email protected]#king idiot “But a quarter is 25…”
My wife’s entire family not grasping that you need to put water in a steam iron
I had a friend who I noticed took Mucinex A LOT. I’ve used it occasionally when I’ve been congested, but it seemed abnormal how often I saw him taking it. I finally asked him why he was taking it one time, because he didn’t seem sick at all, and he looked puzzled and said “well, I think I’m getting sick”.
I pressed further and he said, “because it’s an expectorant”. It turns out he thought “you take an expectorant when you are EXPECTING to get sick”.